By: Jim Umlauf
If I, as a pastor, have one thing to offer the people of God, it’s this: I love my wife. I don’t do it perfectly, of course, but it’s the best thing I’ve got going in this life. I love her and I love our marriage. I tell her so often. It’s also the best thing about me, and the best thing for the flock I love so much. It’s with this simple qualification I offer the following.
Every marriage is just three weeks away from destruction.
The reasons are manifold, but here are two supreme dangers, one on the side of the husband, and one on the side of a wife.
Wife: if you consistently make coming home an unpleasant, exhausting, exasperating, pressure-filled place, and if you undercut your husband, second-guess him, disrespect him, or make him feel incompetent, you are a fool, and you are tearing down your own house with your own hands. He knows what being respected is. It’s built into him as a male image-bearer of God. He thus deserves and rightly demands it.
Husband: if your most important life’s work aside from your walk with Christ isn’t tenderly and sacrificially staying a step ahead of what your wife is thinking/feeling/doing then you are lazy, inadequate, and failing. She knows what adoration is. It’s built into her as a female image-bearer of God. She thus deserves, and rightly demands it.
Try examining things for a week, asking yourself:
Wife: Does (this action, communication, etc.) make him feel respected, affirmed, honored, and have I made coming home a good thing?
Husband: Am I memorizing my wife, on a committed journey to more deeply know and respond to her needs, or am I just trying to put out a grease fire when it flares up?
A good marriage is possible. Ask God for the grace to die to self.
